Focus, mfs focus!!

I'll tell you more about the title later. Right now, this is what I needed to hear to get through the rest of the day. A most excellent chop, by Matthew Belinkie.

Beckie has a dating checklist.

Wha...you don't have a checklist? A set of minimum requirements for potential suitors? Shame on you...this list is a must have. Maybe you just haven't taken the time to (flesh or flush) this out, but somewhere in the back of your mind, this list exists. Be careful though, especially those of you hell-bent on marriage as penultimate goal for dating. Your dating checklist should really just be used as a screening tool, a way to maximize the time you're spending getting to know others. Deciding whether you want to cultivate a friendship is a much different choice than choosing a life partner. Even I'll admit a checklist for marriage is probably not the best way to go to make such a life changing decision (although it could be a useful starting place).

Here's how a dating checklist works. Consider the activities you do and who you interact with. Recall some of your most special friendships, memorable occasions, meaningful conversations. It's these kinds of events that obviously hold meaning for you. Your potential new friend (PNF) should be someone who engages in similar activities. The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior.

I recently met someone who never uses instant messaging...ever. In his opinion, technology is the reason for poor communication between men and women. Can you picture the stink face I gave when I heard that? If it weren't for IM, I wouldn't be able to maintain some of the relationships I have. Technology doesn't kill communication, people do. Think choosing to not date someone because they don't chat online is silly or superficial? Could be. But in my world, the intention, not the action is what's most important. Sometimes talking on the phone just isn't practical for me. And fortunately, there are now other ways to interact that are less intrusive than having to talk aloud to someone who isn't actually in front of you (courtesy of Eddie Griffin).
Take a peak at my screening checklist:

Non-Negotiable Requirements for Screening Potential Partners

• Technologically astute, computer savvy
• Financially literate and responsible
• Active, healthy lifestyle
• Ecologically aware, pet friendly
• Appreciates all races, creeds, orientations
• Faith and belief that we have the power to control our own destiny
• Respect for the divine in me
• Sense of humor
• Believes in the essential goodness of his chosen profession, avocation
• Acts with integrity and transparency
• Has my best interest at heart
• Mad skills when it comes to putting in work!
• Remember, lists are sexy!

Beckie has chocolate legs

Someone with sexy manners sent this videolink to me. How cool is it to share music? I luv the innernets!

About me

The easiest way to begin explaining myself is to consider the roles I play in the lives of the people around me. So I've listed the roles, along with a description of how I see myself in those roles. All these roles I play provide inspiration for my blog topics!

Mother	Single parent of two
Daughter	Caregiver
Professional	Higher Education
Consultant	Entrepreneur, Organization Development
Friend/Peer	Recently moved; feebly trying to maintain relationships and make new ones
Family member	Cousin, Niece, Aunty
Renter Dog owner	Renting rocks! Rockey Rockstar...best puppy ever!
Wanna-be	5K Runner, camper, swimmer, lounge singer, Ph.D.
SINGLE!!	SINGLE!!

Sarah Palin is easy.

I've been racking my brain to figure why the RNC would select Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate. Because it's obvious this woman is not a scholar. She's not a real politician. She's not eloquent, articulate, insightful, thoughtful, intriguing. She's none of those things. In fact, she's the exact opposite of Obama and his entire campaign. And that's just why they picked her. She's easy.

You don't have to think when she talks. You can relax, rest assured she's not going to use words you don't know, she's not going to make you feel guilty because you don't do anything besides what you absolutely have to. She's like an involuntary bodily function. Sarah doesn't make you go the extra mile. Hell, you don't even have to budge with her. She's not going anywhere.

I was reading Michelle Obama's blog...her latest entry. That's what inspired me to write this. After a few sentences, I said to myself, though not out loud, but I'll use quotes anyway, "I'll have to read this later. I'm not ready to focus on this now." When I came back to it, I realized what I'd done. I deferred to couch potato thinking, instead of allowing myself to be lifted to a higher level of thinking. Why? Because I wanted to be lazy. And lazy is not sexy. Lazy is why our country is in the situation we're in. It's much easier to do nothing than it is to concern ourselves about how our inactivity prevents all of us from being successful.

This morning I walked my dog. Always on a leash. I see a young woman get out of her car and let her dog out. He's not on a leash. She's unloading her car...I assume she wants to carry everything she has up to her apartment in one trip. Fine, I would probably do the same. But why not have the dog on a leash? At this point, I had a decision to make. I could change direction and avoid an unavoidable confrontation, or continue in the same direction, risking confrontation with the two dogs. I choose the latter(gawd, I miss East Cleveland sometimes). Her dog decided it needed to smell my dog, and my dog didn't like that idea. She grabs her dog by the collar and leads it away, fussing. I'm almost sure she had to have said she was sorry she didn't have it on a leash, since her dog so rudely approached my dog and interrupted our nice walk. I'm sure that's what she said.

So, what does this have to do with Ms. Palin? Everything. Our freedom, our right to say and believe what we choose, does have a price. We are responsible for one another. Regardless and in spite of race, religion or any other difference. Palin's platform doesn't reflect that value. She opens her mouth and lets the words fall out without regard for interpretation. She's not being responsible. Let's say Mr. Obama was in fact "palling around with terrorists." Has she offered any evidence of this? What does palling around mean? Why use the term "palling around?" Ayers and Obama worked on a committee together...how does that become palling around?

And unfortunately, there are too many of us lazy thinkers who let her get away with this ridiculous rant. It's not that I think she needs to be leashed. She needs to be muzzled and boarded away until she achieves balance.

In case ya didn't know, crazy is the new sane!

I heart Smokey Fontaine.

Ash Wednesday

Where's that LL Kool J chapstick?

Beckie loves Terry Tate.

T-Shirt Tuesday!

Stuff I want to enhance my life...Part 2 (SIWEML )

I realized I never actually completed my SIWEML list. I got so focused on setting the standard for measuring, I never got beyond the Landrollers. So back to the list!

* New cell phone - For the longest time I've been whining about how I miss my smartphone, my Palm Treo. But in my quest to purge unnecessary/frivolous items/people from my life, I've realized a smartphone is not what I need. It certainly doesn't meet the SIWEML test, and I just don't want to be that efficient anymore. But what I do want is a CUTE phone! I want a phone that has colors and creatively placed buttons and has moveable parts. If I were an engineer, I would design a phone that looked like jewelry...the earpiece would be an earring or ear charm, the microphone would be embedded in a necklace. You could have a bracelet as a key pad. In my world, all this looks very chic and well-functioning. Watch, someone will build it.

* Rolling briefcase - I don't travel much for my job, but when I do, I want to look like I know what I'm doing. So now I want a briefcase that has an extended handle and rolls. Hmmm. This may be edited later and filed under Stuff I Buy and Never Use. Note to self: rethink the Landrollers too.

Three reasons I'm in a good mood today

1. My checkbook is balanced.

2. There are no bedsheet marks on my freshly painted fingernails.

3. All my work files are in alphabetical order. All the ones I care about anyway.

Stuff I want to enhance my life

Along with my goals for the upcoming year, I also keep track of "the stuff" I want/buy. I do this as a way of making sure "the stuff" is essential; I have been known to buy things I don't need, want or even like. The items on this list have to pass my litmus test. If it isn't career advancing, money enhancing, spiritually enlightening, esteem inviting, or nutritiously exciting than I probably don't need it.

Item #1 Landrollers - Cesar Millan, the male Latino version of Oprah to dogs and their owners, uses these when he skates with his pack. I "heart" him! Apparently word on the street is these skates are easier to use than inline skates, glide over uneven terrain better, and have better maneuverability. They cost more too. So how do they pass my SIWEML test? Here's why:

• Career Advancing - No, my job does not involve skating, but it does require me to be healthy. I view any exercise as career advancing because if I'm too out of breath, tired or really ill, my career is one step closer to praying to the porcelain gods. I need to lose about 30 pounds of fat and gain about 10 to 15 lbs. of muscle. Skating will add variety to my exercise routines.

• Money Enhancing - At practically $200 a pair, ummm, not real sure how the landrollers advance this goal. But, since I'm cutting back on other expenses over the next few weeks, it should even out. yeah, I'll go with that for now.

• Spiritually Enlightening - If you've ever read Cesar's books, you'll already understand how this works. For those of you that haven't read or aren't dog lovers, this will be harder for you to comprehend, so maybe skip ahead. My puppy, Rockey Rockstar, has been the best thing that happened to me this year. He was on a list of "things I want before I'm 40". I never had an opportunity to have a dog until now. Spending time walking Rockey, watching him figure out his space in this world has been a sheer delight. Mother Nature is a powerful, beautiful thing. When I'm outdoors, I feel free from all man-made and self-made anxieties. I feel peaceful and happy. I think rollerblading together will be an experience Rockey and I both will enjoy.
  
  
• Esteem Inviting - Esteem. I love that word. Too bad people don't use it anymore. I love the scene in Sense and Sensibility when Emma Thompson as Elinor Dashwood says of Edward Ferrars played by Hugh Grant, "I greatly esteem him." Some dictionary defines esteem as, to regard with respect, to have a high opinion of. How will Landrollers invite esteem in my life? I predict I will feel better about myself physically and emotionally as I bond with nature, my dog and myself. I will have quiet peaceful time to reflect on what and who matters most to me in my life.

• Nutritiously Exciting - umm, nah. I'll stick with the esteem and career stuff I just mentioned.

So there it is. Maybe this is just a way to convince myself it's ok to spend $200 on a pair of roller skates. I wouldn't doubt it. A good friend of mine says she can talk herself in and out of all kinds of things when she puts her mind to it. So can I. Time will tell.

T-Shirt (Haiku) Tuesday!

Inspired by McSweeney's Lists, I present to you my t-shirt haiku for my ex-husband:

The lies I can tell
spin complex webs of deceit
even I believe.

MISSING: Have you seen my swag?

Mr. Laurence Fishburne is apparently set to star in CSI this fall. This nerd is not impressed. I don't know what horrible thing has gone wrong with LF since Deep Cover & Hoodlum, but he seems determined to roll down hill. Granted, in this photo, he does appear to have lost a great deal of biker fat since that up-chuck of a movie, called Biker Boyz ('cept for DL); however, here's a list (lists r sexy) of why I think he'll suck on the show:

1. Nobody does monotone rants like David Caruso.
2. Who's he gonna not sleep with?
3. If Grissom isn't there, how will we know??
4. A black nerd professor living in Vegas investigating homicides? We're more likely to elect a black man president!!

Zaner Bloser is sexy.

T-shirt Tuesday!

T-shirt Tuesday!

I know it's Wednesday, but it's my blog and I can do what I want!

Some years ago, I went through my state's motorcycle training course and received my endorsement for my license. My dad always talked of getting one for himself when I was a kid, but claimed my mother was against it. Now I think he wasn't all that excited about it because he didn't put up much of an argument. And this is a man who would fight a tree if he thought it was growing in the wrong spot. All of this to say I cannot remember not wanting to ride. Varooomm!

I don't have my own bike yet, because as you know, I'm a NOB. I plan to add 'Bike' to my sinking funds list at the end of the year. Unfortunately, I'll also have to get another vehicle next year as well, and I don't do car notes! If patience is a virtue, then I'll need a double dose of it when it comes to balancing needs and wants.

If I ruled the online dating world...

In my nerd-world, there would be strict rules for people who date online. Violation of any one of these rules could lead to banishment. Or fines made payable to my PayPal account.

Here are the rules...
1. No photos taken in bathrooms. (Is this a man thing...ladies, you can't possibly do this, right?)

2. You may use your phone as your camera, but you must complete the How to Take a Photo with Your Cell Phone without Taking a Photo of You Taking a Photo with Your Cell Phone Class.

3. Wedding photos are not allowed. Ever.

4. All who do not use spell check will be smacked in the face by yours truly.

5. There is nothing sexy about a grown man in clothes 5 sizes too large.

hmmm...I think I might be PO'd!

I'd like to think I'm a firm believer of to each her own. Or his own. People do only what they think is in their best interest. With that said, I can't help but taste the salt in my mouth over the lack of messages in my online dating inbox! Cast a wide net, don't take it personally, yada yada yada. STFU self. After a head-swelling flurry of activity within the first two weeks, suddenly I hear crickets chirping when I check my mail. What happened? Why come ain't nobody push'n up on a sista?

I have my suspicions.
Scenario #1: I'm impatient. IwantwhatIwantwhenIwantit! Dammit!

Scenario#2: I reviewed my profile and found alot of NEGS. Well, not alot, about 4 to be exact. A NEG is a negatively-phrased comment, any sentence with no, not, dis-, anti-, ir- (unless you're from Cleveland and think irregardless is a word). It is no bueno to do this people. You can cover all that stuff later and in other more productive ways.

Scenario #3: The men who subscribe to this site generally suck.

Scenario #4: Umm, while making changes to my profile, I hid it and never turned it back on.

(stare)

(gulp)

(smile)

Which one scenario do you think occurred?

Presidential Celebrity Names

OBAMA AND BIDEN 2009

Obiden
Jobama
Bariden
Jorack
Obaden
Barjoe
Bamaden
Jobida
Bibama
Bamajoden
Bamajoe
Rackobiden
Rackojoe
Ojobamaden
Bidenrack
Ojoden
Bijobama
Joraden
Rabiden
Bidabamajoben

T-Shirt Tuesday!

I want this shirt!

Dave Freeman - R.I.P...#51, #52, #53...

Dave Freeman, co-author of 100 Things to Do Before I Die, has died.
He made a book about a list...how awesome is that?

(stare)


What number was he on?

Having faith in another

Now this is what I call love.

Free vs. Paid Online Dating

I'm a nerd on a budget. I try my best not to pay full price if I can help it. Don't shop without a plan! Every nerd knows that! The same holds true with dating, in my opinion. I REFUSE to pay money to exchange emails. Just doesn't make for good nerdsense.

From what I can tell, there seems to be a battle going on between pay and free dating sites. The pay sites can obviously put money into an advertising budget. They want to convince you that if you spend the money, you'll yield a better dating pool. They say folks who pay to date are more serious than us nerds who still believe in the internet as open access to the masses, social networking and all that.

In the spirit of my favorite white girl Kathy Griffin, I say, "Suck it, Leaches!" You'll never get my 3-digit code! Although my Apathy/Curiosity Meter tips slightly on the Curious side to see if there's any merit to what the e-har.mony (no link love here) sites of the world claim, to pay for dating is antithetical (big words are sexy) in my nerd-world.

Consider this; YOU still have to write your profile, YOU still have to delimit your search, YOU still have to read and sort your email, YOU still have to take time to manage your online dating. So, um, why would you pay a company to allow you to do all the work you would do if you were on a free site?

Free vs. pay online dating is a topic worth revisiting. Let's discuss, shall we? Stay tuned for the next episode...

Crisp, Clean and Stain-free

"...its too bad you won't let me talk and get to know you; I would have loved it. I wish you all the best and if you ever change your mind remember me."

Have you ever sent a message like this one? Or been the recipient of one? I can say yes to both questions. I've sent oodles of flirts, winks, grins, kisses and even a few check-this-box-if-you-like-me notes, only to receive nothing in response. And while I can only assume the objects of my desire must have been under some evil magician's spell and were physically restrained from responding to my flirty invitation, I was mildly annoyed by the lack of response.

One reason I choose to online date is because I don't have much time in my schedule to go out. Actually, I don't care to meet men "at the club" anymore, but that's for another post. Since I consider my time valuable, I try to treat other people's time as valuable too.

I respond to (almost) every message/teddy bear/heart/champagne flute I receive. Why? Closure. Crisp, clean and stain-free. If a man takes 10 seconds to type a poorly spelled 250 word sentence, the least I can do is let him know I'm not interested. That way, he can be free to "keep it real for the ladys out there."

I get my share of not interesteds too. Ok, not really. But I don't ever expect not to. You're setting yourself up for a frustrating time if you have alot invested each time you send or receive a message. Just go with the flow. Be clear and honest about what does and does not work for you. Mixed and loaded messages just make it more difficult and create drama. Besides, good manners are sexy.

Lists are sexy.

Gawd, I love a list. Lists rock. They rule. Some can even roll. Lists are quick and easy ways to know and track all the who-whats-whens-wheres-whys-hows. Writing your profile is alot like making a list of yourself; what are you about, who are you looking for, etc.

I make lists all day. Even my lists have lists. My grocery lists contains my taxables and fresh veggies list. I usually keep two or three notepads by my desk so I can jot down ideas that usually have nothing to do with whatever I'm supposed to be doing.

I keep a list of things I want to accomplish on 43 Things. I like this site because you can find out who else is interested in the same things, and you can find some great ideas on goals you may have never thought of before.

Thought I'd post a few of them here. I used some of them to help me write my profiles. Here's 10 to be exact. Why 10? Figure it out.

Jack was right!

Confidence IS sexy in a man! Remember Jack Palance? A confident man outshines all day long, hands down. Don't believe me? The next time you see an unattractive, broke, poorly dressed man with a woman, check out how he carries himself. I'm a woman and I know. Whenever I catch a whiff of self-doubt or low self-esteem in a man, I'm outta there. Men who lack confidence in themselves weave webs of deception, pity and manipulation. And once you get tangled in their spidery lairs, good luck getting out.

I recently joined an online dating site (I'll tell you about it later). The first message I received was from a LSES (low self-esteem spider). Two sentences into his message and I was turned off. And slightly angry he thought he could lure me into his pity party. I'm probably coming off as a snob, but so be it. LSESs suck! Here's a bit of what he said:

"I don't know if I fit into your idea of an attractive man, but if I do, I would like very much to talk to you sometime to find out if we would be compatible for long term."

I bet you're thinking, what's wrong with that? That doesn't sound so bad. Nuh-uh. You're on the slow bus. Allow me to decode the message for you.

1. Your first 10 words should never contain a negative. Right off the rip he says, "I don't know..." It wouldn't matter what you put after that; you've placed yourself in a corner. It's obvious you don't know...WE don't know anything about one another. Step it up.

2. Don't assume what I value. His second mistake is assuming attractiveness is most important. In addition, this implies he believes he is unattractive. This smacks of low-self-esteem. What he should have done was not address his attractiveness at all. Let me be the judge. It might have helped if he would have bothered to take a picture that didn't include a reflection of the flash in the mirror he used to take the photo, but whatev. His profile goes on to say,

"Do you care about more than just money or good looks? Do you like a guy who actually pays attention to you? If you answered yes to these questions, then you owe it to yourself to talk to me. "

Yuck. Hose me down pulease!! Using tired sales tricks (getting a customer to say yes three or more times in a row) to get a date is a way of life for LSESs. These statements are dripping with sarcasm, bitterness and just a dash of misogyny.

How did I respond to the eensy weensy spiderman? "Thank you for your interest, but it's clear to me we have nothing in common." Scram! I want a nerd, not a dork!

Gameplan

must take matters into my own hands. have been in Smalltown for over two years, and have yet to meet potential nerd beau. clearly drastic measures must be called into play. time to devise strategy:

1. Sign-up on(free) dating sites.
2. Register for local meet-ups.
3. Maintain online calendar of nerd-scouting events (NSE) to ensure maximum synchronicity.
4. Continue daily exercise regimen.
5. Procure ample gum supply (to ensure fresh breath at all times).
6. Evaluate and rank (NSE) to weed out fake/poser gatherings.
7. Obtain recent photos and place online.
8. Complete online web presence in multiple locations.
9. Increase volume of blog postings/comments on nerds' websites.
10. Draft pre-screening nerd questionnaire.
11. When in public, always be on nerd alert.

me

Do Over!

Most folks are familiar with the scene in Bee Movie when the bee slams repeatedly into the window because he thinks this time he'll make it outside. I'm the bee and beyond the window is my life, the way I see it. The window itself, is my life the way it really is.

There are 166 days until my 40th birthday. My goal-gift to myself is to make it through the window by the end of this year. I will do this by accomplishing the following:

1. Writing my final paper for what could likely be my last ever graduate course and turning it in by the generously-extended 3rd deadline.


2. Paying off my IRS debt.


3. Reducing my CC debt by 50%.


4. Moving into a cheaper apartment.


5. Raising a well-behaved puppy. (as well as a puppy can behave)


6. Eliminating my cable subscription. (the pain, the agony)


7. Posting to my blog no less than 5 times a month.


8. Losing ten more pounds.


9. Finish reading A New Earth.


10. Remaining employed.


11. Ending the year with $200.00 in my savings account AFTER holiday shopping.

I could easily add more but right now, I think these are the most important.This time.

...and the award for best grown up female in the comedy/drama/thriller called my life is...

Me? (gasp) I won?

looks askance

Oh goodness, I can't believe it...you like me! You REALLY like me!

two offspring roll their eyes with disdain

I don't know what to say... I didn't expect to win! (blushing and fake-sweating)

offspring continue to share ocular displeasure

(gathers invisible full-length skirt) um, ok, I didn't prepare a speech, but I did scratch out some notes just in case someone else needed a speech...let's see where did I put it? (feigns checking invisible pockets in invisible skirt)

First and foremost...exactly what does foremost mean anyway? (giggle) I would like to give all glory, honor, praise, worship, gratitude and two small animal sacrifices to the one who made it all possible for me to win and the rest of you to lose.

youngest offspring's mouth falls open--oldest makes mad dash for ringing phone

I HEART Kathy Griffin!