Back at it.

Even I'm surprised I've been away this long this time. So much has happened since last December. Some good, some bad, mostly just life happening. Details later.

To help get me back in the swing of writing, I'm taking some inspiration from July Blogher Prompts. Today's prompt has to do with connecting with friends. My first call was to a new buddy I met while on GOBA. In fact, she was the very first person I met there. While in route on the first day, she rode up beside me and made a comment about the weather. It was raining lightly, and it was quite refreshing. She asked how many GOBAs I'd been on. When I said none, she offered to introduce me around once we got to camp. We chatted for a bit, then she said she had to go, as she was a volunteer and needed to be at the information booth at camp. When she said that, I remembered I'd first seen her at check-in. She has long, wild & curly grey hair and wore bright fuschia lipstick. I thought she isn't your everyday grandmother. Turns out I was right.

When I finally arrived at camp, I quickly put up my tent and made my bed. I found the shower truck and took the best shower of my life. When I returned to my tent, I laid down for a quick nap. I woke up just in time to go meet Donna at the information tent. For a minute I hesitated; I thought perhaps it would be uncomfortable and awkward meeting new people. But then I realized what I was doing and I went anyway. I decided if it was terrible I could just leave, but I knew it wouldn't be. Donna was already there with a few others, but before I could say anything, she greeted me and quickly began telling everyone I was on my first GOBA. Everyone she introduced me to had done at least eight; two people had done 25 and 24 years respectively. Donna has 12 GOBAs completed, and I don't think she's planning on stopping anytime soon. She tells me there's another black woman she wants to introduce me to; someone else I'd chatted with while en route that day. We hadn't introduced ourselves; just chitchatted for a distance and then parted company as we each rode our own pace. It always surprises and delights me when white people are able to talk about race without acting like it's a hugely weird thing. Donna knew I was on my own and she's known Debby for years, so it made sense for her to say it that way. Debby rides a Nazca recumbent--"one sexy" bike" as she describes it.

Throughout GOBA week, I met some really interesting people; young & old, from all over the country. Every evening a group of folks would meet at the information tent and decide where to eat and what to do for the evening. There was always something to do in GOBAville. I hope to return next year.

People are overrated.

I think people spend too much time thinking about themselves. I think I think too much about myself, but not as much as some other people do. I think men think about themselves more than women; children more than adults; mainstream more than the marginalized; single more than the married; religious more than the secular; wealthy more than the poor. This is my observation and opinion--not an indictment or accusation.

The more you think about yourself, the less vulnerable you are. Less vulnerable, less genuine.

Less genuine; more constructed, fabricated, simulated, false.

False = Lost.

When you're lost, you're vulnerable. But you're not really vulnerable, because you're not being true to yourself and to others. The answer is there. Be vulnerable and the answer will find you. You're not lost.

I refuse to be cynical. I refuse to be jaded. I refuse to be a grown up. I want to play, sing off-key, get rained on, waste time, make mistakes, be passionate, talk too much, share too much and give too much. I want to die tired of enjoying myself. I want no restraints. I want to feel pain, I want to know I've done the wrong thing and lived through it. I want the trials and tribulations that life and love and living have to offer. I'm not scared. I can take it. I'm not afraid to cry in public, laugh too loud or cuss in front of my kids. Tears? Those are scout badges of experience. It's my divine animal right to scream at the top of my lungs or meditate quietly at the setting of the sun.

This is not written out of inspiration. It's a confession. I live in a world that says emotions are overrated. Grow up, you're in your forties for goodness sake. Toys? Puzzles? Games? Love? Passion? What the fuck are you talking about? Who the hell reads anymore? There are schedules and cleaning and work and bills and goals and dinner and groceries and social events that require your face (but not your heart or your brain) and hey, when's the last time you got a support payment (a what?) and what else, oh yeah forgot to mention the backed up toilet and the dog threw up again, and the economy and layoffs, and revenue streams, and is it bad if you haven't had an oil change in a year? and kids and their social lives (fuck, more?) oh hell yes there's family and friends (of varying degrees for the former and the latter) and shit, school and politics, and rent (when did living become something to afford) and...so how do you feel about all of this?

I love it. Bring it bitch. Big G's got my back. I'm out. I need to buy another puzzle. Fuck the dog hair in the carpet. Me and my kid are going swimming.

Beckie has a dating checklist.

Wha...you don't have a checklist? A set of minimum requirements for potential suitors? Shame on you...this list is a must have. Maybe you just haven't taken the time to (flesh or flush) this out, but somewhere in the back of your mind, this list exists. Be careful though, especially those of you hell-bent on marriage as penultimate goal for dating. Your dating checklist should really just be used as a screening tool, a way to maximize the time you're spending getting to know others. Deciding whether you want to cultivate a friendship is a much different choice than choosing a life partner. Even I'll admit a checklist for marriage is probably not the best way to go to make such a life changing decision (although it could be a useful starting place).

Here's how a dating checklist works. Consider the activities you do and who you interact with. Recall some of your most special friendships, memorable occasions, meaningful conversations. It's these kinds of events that obviously hold meaning for you. Your potential new friend (PNF) should be someone who engages in similar activities. The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior.

I recently met someone who never uses instant messaging...ever. In his opinion, technology is the reason for poor communication between men and women. Can you picture the stink face I gave when I heard that? If it weren't for IM, I wouldn't be able to maintain some of the relationships I have. Technology doesn't kill communication, people do. Think choosing to not date someone because they don't chat online is silly or superficial? Could be. But in my world, the intention, not the action is what's most important. Sometimes talking on the phone just isn't practical for me. And fortunately, there are now other ways to interact that are less intrusive than having to talk aloud to someone who isn't actually in front of you (courtesy of Eddie Griffin).
Take a peak at my screening checklist:

Non-Negotiable Requirements for Screening Potential Partners

• Technologically astute, computer savvy
• Financially literate and responsible
• Active, healthy lifestyle
• Ecologically aware, pet friendly
• Appreciates all races, creeds, orientations
• Faith and belief that we have the power to control our own destiny
• Respect for the divine in me
• Sense of humor
• Believes in the essential goodness of his chosen profession, avocation
• Acts with integrity and transparency
• Has my best interest at heart
• Mad skills when it comes to putting in work!
• Remember, lists are sexy!

Crisp, Clean and Stain-free

"...its too bad you won't let me talk and get to know you; I would have loved it. I wish you all the best and if you ever change your mind remember me."

Have you ever sent a message like this one? Or been the recipient of one? I can say yes to both questions. I've sent oodles of flirts, winks, grins, kisses and even a few check-this-box-if-you-like-me notes, only to receive nothing in response. And while I can only assume the objects of my desire must have been under some evil magician's spell and were physically restrained from responding to my flirty invitation, I was mildly annoyed by the lack of response.

One reason I choose to online date is because I don't have much time in my schedule to go out. Actually, I don't care to meet men "at the club" anymore, but that's for another post. Since I consider my time valuable, I try to treat other people's time as valuable too.

I respond to (almost) every message/teddy bear/heart/champagne flute I receive. Why? Closure. Crisp, clean and stain-free. If a man takes 10 seconds to type a poorly spelled 250 word sentence, the least I can do is let him know I'm not interested. That way, he can be free to "keep it real for the ladys out there."

I get my share of not interesteds too. Ok, not really. But I don't ever expect not to. You're setting yourself up for a frustrating time if you have alot invested each time you send or receive a message. Just go with the flow. Be clear and honest about what does and does not work for you. Mixed and loaded messages just make it more difficult and create drama. Besides, good manners are sexy.