Comics say it best.

I found these images here. I love them. I feel like they were created just for me.

I wonder how can I get these as bumper stickers?

Blind in one eye, can't see out the other. or My last date.

Something occurred awhile back that made me stop and re-evaluate my dating checklist. I realized that at the age of 41, almost 42 in a few weeks, I need to add another category to my list, or at the very least, expand on #3)Active, healthy lifestyle.

This now needs to include Able-bodied, and able to have an active and healthy lifestyle (for a long time to come).

I've been a caregiver for most of my adult life for my parents. I've assisted my family in taking care of my grandparents, and I have two kids and a dog. I watched my mother and her two sisters devote huge amounts of time toward making their parents comfortable and well-cared for. So I don't say this lightly. I have no desire to care for a potential partner. None. Is that discriminatory? Yes, but it's my choice and I'm sticking to it.

Last year, I had a string of blind dates (who knew one would be literally blind) with men who had some kind of disability. Not an injury, not an illness but an out-and-out handicap. Now, granted we met through dating websites, but I prided myself on spending a good chunk of time weeding out the losers by talking extensively over the phone (even though I hate to), emailing back and forth, and chatting before I agree to meet in person. To me, that's the opportunity to let someone know about a physical impairment, particularly one such as, hmm, blindness or deafness? Is that really asking for too much?

I kid you not, this man was blind in one eye, and could not see out the other. He had one glass eye and the other one kept leaking. I don't know why I stayed for the whole date; I think I just had to see how it was going to end up. It was like watching an episode of Girlfriends, except I was in the show at the same time. I could totally see Joan trying to make the date work, even though they were having dinner at a sports bar, and her date couldn't see the screen. WTF.

But that isn't even the worst part. There are several. He proceeds to tell me he eats no vegetables. Ever. He also never drinks water. Ever. Unless it's Kool-aid. I noticed two men walking back and forth outside in front of the restaurant. They came in after a while and sat close, glancing over every once in a while. It took me a while to figure out they were with Stevie Wonder. Eventually one stands up to go to the bathroom and Stevie's sonar must have picked up on him. He calls him over and introduces me to his friend and the second one comes over too. They were Stevie's chauffeur and sidekick, though I don't know if those titles were official. They proceeded to tell Stevie how attractive I was, even though I'm still sitting there. This makes me wonder (haha) how much of me can Stevie see through the leaky eye. I ask cuz I figure that's not rude; one needs to know this. He says to me in a smarmy old man kind of way, "enough to know I like what I'm looking at." Oh really, are you sure? I think all he can see is a cuddly chocolate blur with locks. Not unlike Snuggle or a character from Fraggle Rock. I would have liked to see him pick me out of a lineup between the rejected mop from the Swiffer commercials and Whoopi Goldberg.

Why didn't he reveal this stupidity online? Oh, I know, because I didn't ask the right and specific question. Silly me. Are you a camel? The braille type they have on elevator buttons and ATMs; do you use that? It seems like the glass eye would leak, not the good one; why is that? Can't they plug it up?

When he learned I had attended a catholic high school, his next question to me was if I had kids by a white man. I don't know how or why that connection happened in his mind, or where he was going with it, or if I was even offended. It's hard to contemplate absurdity. I mean, if I said yes, would he have ended the date? How would he even know if my kids were mixed or not? Anyway, I was too busy trying not to be grossed out by the leaky eye. And the broken front tooth. Then I wondered if he knew the tooth was broken because it was on the side with the glass eye.

Now here comes more foolishness. He suggested we have a second date. At the movies. How close would we have to sit I wondered. When I close one eye for a long time, it hurts. Does it work that way with you? As I'm contemplating why I'm still there, and if he can pop out the glass eye and stick his finger up his nose and out the socket (I saw that once on a Japanese game show), he then asks if I would carry a purse for him to the movies. He explains how he cobbled a purse into a beer bag, so he could enjoy a six-pack while watching  sitting looking viewing being at the movies. Do women really do this for you, I ask. He says yea, why not? And then I realized, if I went to the movies with a blind date, on a blind date, I'd need a beer purse too.

Beer purse

They say you can't change bone structure

Dorry & Miley's mother

Am I right or what? Huh, huh??