Bye Daddy

VALMORE (Big Val) SAMUEL JR., age 78, passed away peacefully on October 22, 2013. He was born on October 25, 1934 in Huntington, WV. He was also known as Valmore (Junior) Hill. His mother, Rebecca Robinson, preceded him in death. Val graduated in 1954 from Douglass High School. While there he lettered in basketball and football. He received an athletic scholarship to Marshall University. After a year of college, he enlisted in the 178^th Ordinance of the Army at Fort Bragg, NC.

He moved to Cleveland, Ohio in the early 1960’s in search for a better life. He joined Mt. Nebo Baptist Church and served as a Sunday school superintendent and usher. He married in 1967 and had one child. During this time, Val completed additional studies to earn credentials as a machinist. He was employed with Osborn Manufacturing Company, where he was subsequently elected union president. He was later employed by Fisher Body and ultimately retired from General Motors at Parma in 2004 after 19 years of service.

He was actively engaged in his community. He attended local civic and street club meetings.  He coached boys’ basketball and girls’ softball, and also served as booster club president at Christ the King Elementary School.

Big Val’s favorite pastimes included softball and basketball. He was also an avid weightlifter and bowler. He enjoyed attending cabarets and taking casino trips. He was a very proud grandfather and loved spending time with his grandkids and barbecuing in the backyard. He was often seen in the neighborhood sitting on his porch eager to chat with anyone who stopped by. He enjoyed listening to blues, gospel and soul music.

Survivors include his only child Valerie Rebecca (Beckie); a granddaughter, Hailey; and a grandson, Zachary. The family would like to thank the caring and able staff at Wyant Woods Care Center in Akron OH.

No More Gall Bladder!

So at the beginning of October, I had my gall bladder removed. Back in August, I went to my general practitioner for a routine yearly exam. My last exam had been two years prior, and then she thought my liver enzyme count was high. I reasoned that was due to my intimate relationship with Chardonnay. I decided to stop drinking earlier this year, and I was curious as to how this would impact those test results. My doctor called the very next day and said I needed to have an ultrasound. My enzyme levels were now even higher than they were two years ago, despite me quitting all forms of alcohol months prior to the exam. After the ultrasound, she called and asked me to do a HYDA scan. You're injected with some kind of gorp and you lie in a, well a scanner and they take liver selfies.

I will never not hope for an alien abduction to happen at a time like this. 

The bottom-line results? A Cholecystectomy...stat. Or within the next four weeks if I wanted to avoid a gall bladder attack. Which I did want to avoid. Not only did I have at least one stone, my gall bladder just quit working; it was non-functioning. Petulant bastard.

The thing is, when my doctor first suggested there was a problem with my gall bladder, I was in disbelief. I didn't think I had any symptoms. But when I really though about it, I had; I just didn't know the cause. I've spent most of 2013 year cleaning up my diet, eating primarily plant based, whole food meals. I've also upped my workout game. But the weight loss was slow and I still felt rundown all the time. Not to mention the weird and awful noises that came from my belly. You can imagine the rest. I just figured it was typical getting older and being fat, although I was really working hard to change that. Apparently I have an awfully high tolerance for discomfort. Which is not a good thing.

So I went in on September 30 and came out October 1 minus my gall bladder. And now eleven days later, I feel so amazingly better it's damn ridiculous I didn't seek help for my symptoms sooner. I have three teeny weeny cuts on my abdomen where there were ports and one inside my navel (eww), but you can barely see them. I can now sleep on my right side (I couldn't do this without getting naseous), I don't have a horrible taste in my mouth anymore, and my back doesn't hurt.

Everything I've read about life sans gall bladder says to stay away from fried foods, even though my surgeon said I could eat whatever I wanted. Whatevs dood, I'm never seeing you again unless we run into each other at the gas station. I'm so glad I made changes to my diet already, so this is no big deal for me. I haven't had a fried anything since forever. Seafood is still on my menu, but I just generally don't like meat. I mean I can do without it. So I do. I eat greens, beans, onions mushrooms, berries & seeds...GBOMBS baby!

I feel like I can concentrate better and longer and I think my general disposition is much better. I'd gotten to the point where I made choices about what I did socially based on how far away from a bathroom I would be. 

That's no bueno for a hot MILF like me.

via

50 Questions, #3: Whose life is it anyway?

"If life is so short, why do I do so many things I don’t like and like so many things I don’t do?" 

I've written about my petulant attitude before. I really think society does more harm than good to children by not letting them mess up enough. Part of what I hate doing as an adult has to do with the fact that somehow I inherently think I shouldn't have to do these things simply because I don't want to. That may be an oversimplification, but I can't say it better than that. I don't think someone else should do these things, I just think they shouldn't exist. Like taxes, beginning of the school year paperwork and mail-in rebates.

There is some real clarity in thinking about not doing something, and coming to terms with the consequences of not doing that thing. Conversely, there are things that I  want to do but I realize some people might question the relevancy or meaning of that thing. And they might have a valid point. But I may still want that thing whatever it is.
Being an adult means dealing with consequences of the choices you make. All of them, good and bad, intentional and unintentional. And I'm saying I want to own all the things. Can you copyright decisions?

Anyway, I'm choosing to participate in life again and make things happen instead of waiting or letting them happen to me. And if I get burned because of it, so be it. It's my party and I can do what I want.

Life has a way of overwhelming you when you're not really paying attention. Or if you're paying attention. Life doesn't care. It's happening anyway. You can join in or take a pass.The beauty of it all is that's your choice. Even when you do nothing. Own your inaction as well as your decisions. They belongs to no one else.

Source: Marc and Angel Hack Life

What I'm psycho-listening to these days.

So yeah. I like this song by Miley. In fact, I like most of the songs on her new album. So what? I may be the only one person who thought her performance on the VMAs was simply hilarious. I was entertained. That girl was twerkn' the hell outta those lil' chicken cutlets. I mean, how else do follow up Madonna kissing Britney & Xtina or Diana Ross' Fondlegate of Lil' Kim? You twerk. You make people learn what that is whether they want to or not.

And since I never miss a season of SNL (someday I want to be in the audience and hopefully been seen as part of an audience sketch), I watched this past week's show where Ms. Cyrus was the musical guest and the host. Doing both jobs is really really hard, so I definitely appreciate when an artist can pull that off. Bruno Mars did a great job last year as host/musical guest. So did Justin Timberlake. Considering Miley's epic Disney career, I knew she would do well; but since this is virtually a brand new cast, I was doubtful it would all come together. Alas my doubts were for naught. It wasn't outstanding, but again, it doesn't take a whole lot to entertain me. 

All this to say, j'aime la chanson intitulée Wrecking Ball. The lyrics address my last relationship. I was absolutely the wrecking ball in that one. And that was new for me. I suppose I took pride in always being the rational one in relationships. But it was different with my spec; not better though.  I have no delusions it was somehow better or more passionate. Honestly, it was a “hot mess” situation. 

It’s been almost two years since he died. In that time I've done a lot of mourning, a lot of crying, a lot of feeling sorry for myself. Mostly I spent a lot of time being scared and being scarred. I have learned quite a bit about myself though, and now I have a much better outlook about myself and life in general. Listening to this song doesn't make me sad, it shows me how far I've come and how much I've learned about myself. I've been afraid for a long time to be passionate and enthusiastic about anything; I’m not anymore. I've cleaned away a lot of the debris that crumbled around me. Instead of feeling razed and crushed I feel empowered and resilient. I know better why I wrecked and I now know how to better deal with my own emotions. 

E ne veux pas avoir peur d'aimer à nouveau et je ne veux pas avoir peur de l'amour.

For me, Wrecking Ball is the denouement of the mixtape (Gawd I miss cassettes) on that relationship. I'm good.

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me.

Everyday in July: Day 4 - If you could be any punctuation mark, whatwould you be?

Normally questions like this piss off my inner cranky old man. But in keeping with today's blog theme: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it.

Is your life on a brief pause like a comma, or are you living vicariously through other people, like quotations? My favorite quote comes from a novel about my latest fascination. Essentially it's a love story about a zombie who falls in love with a human. He tries to remember what his life was like before he died, and in the process he becomes less zombie-like and begins to regain some of his humanity.

"I want to change my punctuation. I long for exclamation marks, but I'm drowning in ellipses."

I love this quote because it exemplifies where I am in life. Actually, I'm at least head above water. Working on some exclamation points.

Everyday in July: Day 3 - Things that make me uncomfortable.

I've been trying to write this post for three days now. I wanted to write more than just a laundry list of annoyances. I read through other people's posts on the same prompt, hoping to find inspiration. Instead I found that alot of people are creeped out about things that don't bother me at all. Like "all things bathroom related", "profanity" and "being late". Clearly not my issues, although I'm happy to say I have greatly improved in the category of tardiness. In fact, I could list each one of those items as Things I'm completely comfortable with.

I noticed there were alot of items having to do with social anxiety. Crowds, hand hygiene, public speaking were mentioned quite often. I found one other person who hates making phones like I do. She also happens to be the originator of this blog meme. Confrontation was also frequently listed. As far as public speaking goes, I don't have a problem with it. In fact, sometimes I prefer speaking with strangers than speaking in a setting with people I already know. And as far as confrontation goes,  I've learned you can do more damage to relationships by not talking about something important. I'm ok with confrontation.

I've taken huge strides in an effort to step outside my comfort zone and I like to think I've been successful at it. I won't say nothing makes me uncomfortable, but really not much does. Those things I am uncomfortable with are things I'm very comfortable with being uncomfortable with them.

Crowds.

The thought of being sandwiched among thousands of people really creeps me out. I get antsy and nervous when I have to be in large capacity situations. I don't remember this ever bothering me before and I'm not sure why it does now, but I know I don't like it and I'm ok with it.

Assholes. And Ass-isms.

I'm real intolerant of people who don't like people like me. I'm also intolerant of any belief system (real, imagined or both) that devalues gender, ethnicity, sexuality, music & dance or tattoos. Ain't nobody got time for chopping people up in little categories and judging them. 

Everyday in July: Day 2 - How to be good in a crisis.

1. Identify the most important and the most immediate issue. What is most at stake? Is the crisis about safety? Yours or someone else? Is it a health concern? What's needed first?  If you can answer this problem accurately, you've already solved most of it.

2. See the crisis from start to finish. Explore possible outcomes and decide on the optimal solution.

3. Remember this is not about you. Think about what needs to happen that brings about the best result and focus on that. Don't think about how much you're doing compared to someone else. Fairness is always irrelevant in a crisis.

4. Eliminate the nonessential, but remember to care for yourself. If you're problem solver, you have to stay in the game. And you will surely be on the sidelines if you don't take care of yourself. Forget about doing your nails, ignore the DVR, you don't have time for social engagements. But you do have to sleep, you do have to rest and you do have to move your body. You have a crisis to handle, you don't have any leisure time. At least not now.

5. When the crisis is over, it's still not going to be about you. No one will care how much research you did, how many phone calls you made or how many nights you stayed up solving the problem. They'll just be glad it's over and will want to forget everything that has happened. Don't be surprised if you don't get the regard you think you should. Remember the point was to solve the crisis, not for you to be patted on the back.

6. Decide on a reward for yourself before the crisis is over. Use that as a motivator and a comfort for when the drama goes away. Because when the drama goes away, you're going to feel lonely. You're going to wonder what you're supposed to do when there is nothing left to do. Find a healthy activity to reengage yourself back to whatever your normal is.

7. Make plans for the next crisis. Shoes will fall. Hammers will drop. If the worst hasn't happen yet, get ready for it. Make your phone trees, set your plan Bs, get as many people as you can your side. Update your contacts, your emergency contacts, plan your will AND your funeral, and encourage your loved ones to do the same.

Everyday in July Challenge: Day 1 - The story of my life in 250 words or less.

Hopping around Blogher, I stumbled upon another great writing challenge. Originally posted here, My Purple Dreams altered it for the month of July. I don't know what I like so much about these challenges. Or why I rarely finish them. But I like this one alot, and I hope to complete each day. Off we go.


I am an only child, as was my father. My mother has two sisters, and each of them had two kids. I'm number four out of the five cousins. During family holidays, my cousins and I would put on a show for everyone. We thought of ourselves as an up and coming Sylvers or Jacksons. We would make up dances to the latest songs. Two of us played piano and one played the trumpet. We would charge admission, which was never more than a quarter. The eldest cousin was always in charge of the money and to this day none of us have ever been paid.

I went to catholic school just about my whole life. I liked having to wear a uniform because that meant I didn't have to take time and figure out a new outfit for each day. To this day whenever I wear colorful socks I feel like I'm breaking a rule!

I was also a girl scout. I was a Brownie for one year, advanced to a Junior, and I would have been a Cadet but our troop leader moved away. I still have my sash with all my badges.

Back at it.

Even I'm surprised I've been away this long this time. So much has happened since last December. Some good, some bad, mostly just life happening. Details later.

To help get me back in the swing of writing, I'm taking some inspiration from July Blogher Prompts. Today's prompt has to do with connecting with friends. My first call was to a new buddy I met while on GOBA. In fact, she was the very first person I met there. While in route on the first day, she rode up beside me and made a comment about the weather. It was raining lightly, and it was quite refreshing. She asked how many GOBAs I'd been on. When I said none, she offered to introduce me around once we got to camp. We chatted for a bit, then she said she had to go, as she was a volunteer and needed to be at the information booth at camp. When she said that, I remembered I'd first seen her at check-in. She has long, wild & curly grey hair and wore bright fuschia lipstick. I thought she isn't your everyday grandmother. Turns out I was right.

When I finally arrived at camp, I quickly put up my tent and made my bed. I found the shower truck and took the best shower of my life. When I returned to my tent, I laid down for a quick nap. I woke up just in time to go meet Donna at the information tent. For a minute I hesitated; I thought perhaps it would be uncomfortable and awkward meeting new people. But then I realized what I was doing and I went anyway. I decided if it was terrible I could just leave, but I knew it wouldn't be. Donna was already there with a few others, but before I could say anything, she greeted me and quickly began telling everyone I was on my first GOBA. Everyone she introduced me to had done at least eight; two people had done 25 and 24 years respectively. Donna has 12 GOBAs completed, and I don't think she's planning on stopping anytime soon. She tells me there's another black woman she wants to introduce me to; someone else I'd chatted with while en route that day. We hadn't introduced ourselves; just chitchatted for a distance and then parted company as we each rode our own pace. It always surprises and delights me when white people are able to talk about race without acting like it's a hugely weird thing. Donna knew I was on my own and she's known Debby for years, so it made sense for her to say it that way. Debby rides a Nazca recumbent--"one sexy" bike" as she describes it.

Throughout GOBA week, I met some really interesting people; young & old, from all over the country. Every evening a group of folks would meet at the information tent and decide where to eat and what to do for the evening. There was always something to do in GOBAville. I hope to return next year.