T-Shirt (Haiku) Tuesday!

Inspired by McSweeney's Lists, I present to you my t-shirt haiku for my ex-husband:

The lies I can tell
spin complex webs of deceit
even I believe.

MISSING: Have you seen my swag?

Mr. Laurence Fishburne is apparently set to star in CSI this fall. This nerd is not impressed. I don't know what horrible thing has gone wrong with LF since Deep Cover & Hoodlum, but he seems determined to roll down hill. Granted, in this photo, he does appear to have lost a great deal of biker fat since that up-chuck of a movie, called Biker Boyz ('cept for DL); however, here's a list (lists r sexy) of why I think he'll suck on the show:

1. Nobody does monotone rants like David Caruso.
2. Who's he gonna not sleep with?
3. If Grissom isn't there, how will we know??
4. A black nerd professor living in Vegas investigating homicides? We're more likely to elect a black man president!!

Zaner Bloser is sexy.

T-shirt Tuesday!

T-shirt Tuesday!

I know it's Wednesday, but it's my blog and I can do what I want!

Some years ago, I went through my state's motorcycle training course and received my endorsement for my license. My dad always talked of getting one for himself when I was a kid, but claimed my mother was against it. Now I think he wasn't all that excited about it because he didn't put up much of an argument. And this is a man who would fight a tree if he thought it was growing in the wrong spot. All of this to say I cannot remember not wanting to ride. Varooomm!

I don't have my own bike yet, because as you know, I'm a NOB. I plan to add 'Bike' to my sinking funds list at the end of the year. Unfortunately, I'll also have to get another vehicle next year as well, and I don't do car notes! If patience is a virtue, then I'll need a double dose of it when it comes to balancing needs and wants.

If I ruled the online dating world...

In my nerd-world, there would be strict rules for people who date online. Violation of any one of these rules could lead to banishment. Or fines made payable to my PayPal account.

Here are the rules...
1. No photos taken in bathrooms. (Is this a man thing...ladies, you can't possibly do this, right?)

2. You may use your phone as your camera, but you must complete the How to Take a Photo with Your Cell Phone without Taking a Photo of You Taking a Photo with Your Cell Phone Class.

3. Wedding photos are not allowed. Ever.

4. All who do not use spell check will be smacked in the face by yours truly.

5. There is nothing sexy about a grown man in clothes 5 sizes too large.

hmmm...I think I might be PO'd!

I'd like to think I'm a firm believer of to each her own. Or his own. People do only what they think is in their best interest. With that said, I can't help but taste the salt in my mouth over the lack of messages in my online dating inbox! Cast a wide net, don't take it personally, yada yada yada. STFU self. After a head-swelling flurry of activity within the first two weeks, suddenly I hear crickets chirping when I check my mail. What happened? Why come ain't nobody push'n up on a sista?

I have my suspicions.
Scenario #1: I'm impatient. IwantwhatIwantwhenIwantit! Dammit!

Scenario#2: I reviewed my profile and found alot of NEGS. Well, not alot, about 4 to be exact. A NEG is a negatively-phrased comment, any sentence with no, not, dis-, anti-, ir- (unless you're from Cleveland and think irregardless is a word). It is no bueno to do this people. You can cover all that stuff later and in other more productive ways.

Scenario #3: The men who subscribe to this site generally suck.

Scenario #4: Umm, while making changes to my profile, I hid it and never turned it back on.

(stare)

(gulp)

(smile)

Which one scenario do you think occurred?