50 Questions, #3: Whose life is it anyway?

"If life is so short, why do I do so many things I don’t like and like so many things I don’t do?" 

I've written about my petulant attitude before. I really think society does more harm than good to children by not letting them mess up enough. Part of what I hate doing as an adult has to do with the fact that somehow I inherently think I shouldn't have to do these things simply because I don't want to. That may be an oversimplification, but I can't say it better than that. I don't think someone else should do these things, I just think they shouldn't exist. Like taxes, beginning of the school year paperwork and mail-in rebates.

There is some real clarity in thinking about not doing something, and coming to terms with the consequences of not doing that thing. Conversely, there are things that I  want to do but I realize some people might question the relevancy or meaning of that thing. And they might have a valid point. But I may still want that thing whatever it is.
Being an adult means dealing with consequences of the choices you make. All of them, good and bad, intentional and unintentional. And I'm saying I want to own all the things. Can you copyright decisions?

Anyway, I'm choosing to participate in life again and make things happen instead of waiting or letting them happen to me. And if I get burned because of it, so be it. It's my party and I can do what I want.

Life has a way of overwhelming you when you're not really paying attention. Or if you're paying attention. Life doesn't care. It's happening anyway. You can join in or take a pass.The beauty of it all is that's your choice. Even when you do nothing. Own your inaction as well as your decisions. They belongs to no one else.

Source: Marc and Angel Hack Life

50 Questions, #2: Never trying, definitely worse.

Question 2 of 50 questions that will free your mind is, "Which is worse, failing or never trying?" I think the answer is never trying. I think about how much time I've spent daydreaming and fantasizing about how I wish things were and what I would do if I had this or that. What did that get me? A big fat pile of nothing.

But when I fail at stuff, I can say I actually did something. Of course it might bring up all kinds of other issues, but what I'm left with is the fact I tried. Since I've reactivated this blog, I definitely feel better about it. Having it sit dormant was really irking me. It felt like unfinished business.

Never trying is definitely the worst. As I'm drafting this post, I'm thinking about all the things I've tried and failed at. Most of them are funny. A few are heartbreaking, but also comforting in a way. I recognize those failings as mine and mine alone. The things I want to do that I've never tried, which isn't very many, just feel like dead weight. I got nothing for them. And that's a worse memory...to recall absolutely nothing.

Samuel Beckett

#1 of 50 Questions: How old would I be if I didn't know how old I was?

If I didn’t know how old I was, I would say I was in my mid 30s. I don’t feel old enough or maybe a better expression is mature enough to say I’m 44. I think I’m still too silly to be in my 40s. I definitely know I’m an adult and not a teen; nor would I want to be that young ever again. It was miserable and I wouldn't trade places ever. Unfortunately, my body is saying it’s in it’s late 40s. I feel sore in places for no reason. Bending over can sometimes be a dangerous experience for lots of different reasons; are my panties showing? Why can’t I breathe? Ouch, my brain! WTF?

Sometimes I think with all my grey hair I’m older than 44. For about 5 minutes every month, I consider dying my hair. Then I remember I’m cosmetically lazy and would never be able to commit to maintaining a dye job. I pretend the grey is really an alternative radical color like blue or green and I’m really rocking out a shocking white streaks that few chicks can pull off.
I’m content with that delusion.

I spent my 30s lost in failing relationships, and my early 40s in recovery. Now is time to write a new chapter with a focus on myself and my true North. It is my hope to stay vital and vibrant for as long as I can.

Question source: 50 Questions that will free your mind

New Series: 50 Questions that will free your mind

Marc and Angel Hacklife is an inspiring and unique blog. First of all, they write lists! Not just surface junk; but stuff that really causes my mind to stretch. I could spend an entire evening contemplating my answers to their questions. I imagine attending a really chill and mellow dinner party with everyone sitting on over-sized cushions after a great meal discussing the their 5 Simple Truths or something like that. Of course these would have to be interesting people. Really really interesting people. 

I'm going to do this as a series of 50 posts each over the next couple of weeks. I think answering these questions will help my writing and help my focus. Although I'm typing this at work right now, so I guess it's not really helping with focusing on work. Yep, there's that.

I'm going to keep a running link list here as the series home post.

1. How old would I be if I didn’t know how old I was?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do I do so many things I don’t like and like so many things I don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will I have said more than I've done?
5. What is the one thing I'd most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make me rich?
7. Am I doing what I believe in, or am I settling for what I am doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would I live my life differently?
9. To what degree have I actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Am I more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. I'm having lunch with three people I respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of mine, not knowing she is my friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do I do?
12. If I could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would I break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have I ever seen insanity where I later saw creativity?
15. What’s something I know I do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make me happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have I not done that I really want to do?  What’s holding me back?
18. Am I holding onto something I need to let go of?
19. If I had to move to a state or country besides the one I currently live in, where would I move and why?
20. Do I push the elevator button more than once?  Do I really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would I rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why am I, me?
23. Have I been the kind of friend I want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near me?
25. What am I most grateful for?
26. Would I rather lose all of my old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has my greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do I remember that time 5 years ago when I were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is ny happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in my recent past have Ifelt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If I haven’t achieved it yet, what do I have to lose?
34. Have I ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like I just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If I just won a million dollars, would I quit your job?
38. Would I rather have less work to do, or more work I actually enjoy doing?
39. Do I feel like I've lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time I marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea I strongly believed in?
41. If I knew that everyone I know was going to die tomorrow, who would I visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what I know is right?
45. If I learn from my mistakes, why am I always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would I do differently if I knew nobody would judge me?
47. When was the last time I noticed the sound of my own breathing?
48. What do I love?  Have any of my recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will I remember what I did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Am I  making them for myself, or am I  letting others make them for me?

December NaBloPoMo 2012

via tequilastar

This month's NaBloPoMo theme is WORK. Or as RuPaul says WERK. What is the difference?

Werk is defined by Urban Dictionary as,
1) To do something to an exceedingly excellent capacity.
2) A congratulatory declaration of support, praise or approval, for an outstanding achievement in any area of life.

Work is "Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result."

Hmm... I think I'd rather WERK than work. Easy choice right? But the hard part is figuring out how to apply werking principles to work; I WANT what I do to be exceedingly excellent. But everything I do isn't exceedingly excellent. Sometimes you just need the grunt WORK done to make way for the excellence WERK. More WERK and less WORK.

Writing all this gives me the idea to conduct what I'm now calling micro-interviews. I got the idea from this. I plan to contact via the innerwebs various celebrities, bloggers, et. al., and ask for their advice about whatever subject I'm interested in. I've done this before when I took a course titled Women in Comedy. I reached out to a few female comedians I follow on Twitter and FB. I only asked a couple of questions and just about everyone responded. That's actually another one of my unfinished projects; writing about women in comedy, particularly black women in stand-up comedy. I wrote a part 1 of a series that doesn't yet exist. I got replies from Erin Jackson, Marsha Warfield and Leighann Lord. The trick with micro-interviews is to keep the questions short and simple. Most people to love to give advice about what they do, especially if they're on social media. That's sort of what it's for, right?

So in my quest to insert more WERK in my WORK, I'm going to MI some fabulous folks for advice and see where that gets me. I'm curious who will respond and tell me something I can really use.

via Chad Sell