COPD & Effexor Are Assholes.

I am not a medical professional. I am only sharing my personal experience. Now that I have that out of the way, Effexor sucks! It's the worst medicine in the world! I would never recommend the drug to anyone. It should be off the market. Every professional I've seen has said how easy it is to get off this stuff. This blows. I have brain zaps--it literally feels like a mild electrical zap in my head. I can be in the middle of doing something, and completely blank out on what I was doing or saying. I cannot concentrate for long periods of time. What does help is physical labor and exercise. I spent most of the day working in the yard. I really enjoy yard work. But twice I forgot what I was trying to accomplish. Most people who aren't on medication might think that isn't a big deal, but I know the cause of my forgetfullness and it's name is venlafaxine. And he's an asshole.

 Going to see Mom tomorrow. She's in rehab; she was hospitalized on Mother's Day. We expect she'll be in for at least another week. I hope to buy her a new bed before she comes home. The COPD is in check but the exacerbation has aggravated the chronic heart failure. That's why her ankles are swollen. The doctor has upped her Lasix and that seems to help. She has gotten so used to being unhealthy that she doesn't know when she's in distress. You would think the rehab facility would provide some sort of wellness education but they don't. She says it seems like a medicare scam. The doctor on staff is going on vacation and there is no backup. When it's time for her to be discharged, she will not have been seen by a doctor. The upside of her stay is she gets showered daily and she loves the food. At home she can't lift her legs over the tub to get in the shower, even with a seat there. Since she lives in an apartment, we can't modify the tub. Assisted living is too expensive. Things are not going to get better; she's in a chronic state and the COPD is stage 4. I really don't know what the next move should be. COPD? Cee you next Tuesday.

Happy Blogoversary!

Blogger says I've been signed up since June 2004. That means this month is my anniversary--8 years of having a blog. I suppose most bloggers would think that's nothing to celebrate since my readership is virtually non-existent. But I'm ok with that. My blog is about trying to figure things out, figuring myself out and my relationship to my environment. I didn't start my blog with the intent of attracting alot of views, making money or influencing others. What I really like about my blog, is that I get to determine its existence.  I don't need approval or permission. This is an ad-free zone.

I think about how I want to develop this blog and my writing. I debate the merits of having a niche versus its current cornucopia-esque theme. Should I link to other blogs that are similar to mine or should I link to a sample of blogs I read? Perhaps I should pay more attention to traffic and put more of a concerted effort into attracting readers. Meh. I think the best thing I can do for my lil bloggy blog is what I'm doing now. Write. Write. Write.

I've seen alot of folks who have more than one blog. Penelope Trunk says you should only have one. I like her alot. I like her because she says the craziest shit and thinks it's normal. My kind of gal. I really don't think she does it for the shock value--she's real consistent in her crazy talk which tells me she's not crazy. I like non-crazy people who say crazy things. Why? Because deep down I think most people are crazy. But they're too afraid or too ignorant to address it. So they hunker down and follow directions just for the sake of keeping order. So when the sheep start falling off the cliff, everyone is right in line. Insert digression here.


Back to one blog versus multiple. Here's my reality. My life's a mashup, a colossal clusterfuck of seemingly unrelated people, issues, circumstances and events. If I were to compartmentalize my blog, then it's only part of the story. I want my writing to reveal breadth as well as depth. I think multiple blogs works best when there may be more than one person behind the blog, or there is a tangible product or service. For now, I'll continue to keep it simple and just focus on one. And write. WRITE.


Thoughts? What's your blog rationale?

Quitting Effexor: Day 3 Off

It must have taken an hour for me to wake up today. One of the side effects of quitting Effexor is vivid and bizarre dreaming. This morning I felt like I was coming off of some kind of hallucinogenic. In my dream, I couldn't tell if I was asleep or awake. I kept cycling through various strange scenes of thinking I was awake and watching a cat in my room (I despise cats); I was awake and at my childhood home taking a shower in the den (it's a real den and there is no shower); I was awake and my daughter was trying to calm me as she thought I was having a nightmare (I was but she wasn't with me); I was awake and
getting ready for work (I was still sleeping). In between this restless sleeping, I would wake up enough to reset the snooze button, but I could not stay awake for long. I felt drugged. If Inception had four layers, my dream had twice as many. I usually have strange dreams anyway, but I don't wake up disoriented and exhausted from them. I hate Effexor.

Beckie travels.

visited 16 states (32%)
Create your own visited map of The United States


visited 5 states (2.22%)
Create your own visited map of The World

Today I am...

...completely distracted because my ipad was delivered when no one was home. My daughter returned from class 10 minutes after the attempted delivery. They didn't even leave a little note saying they had been there. I overpaid for it, but I cannot wait to play fruitninja all night long become even more productive posting to my almost dormant blog.

...excited the traps for my slacking boarders have been set. I've got two whistlepigs (groundhogs, woodchucks, varmits, non-rent paying bastards) burrowing in my shed and under my porch. The city provides live traps and will remove them IF the rat bastards (literally) go into the trap. Meanwhile, I've got to restock on mothballs and ammonia. I don't want to harm them, but they cannot stay. I pay rent. They don't. And they could hurt my dog if he gets one cornered. And he's trying really hard to do so.

I hope I don't turn into Carl.

...feeling pretty good even though I slept for about 5 minutes last night. I'm trying to come off  Effexor. I think I've been on it for at least 6 years. I can say it helps. But coming off is a BITCH! Doctors tell you to step down, but there's nothing they can do for the zaps you feel and that's the hardest part. The best thing to do is your own research by talking to others who have managed to stick it through.  This time I'm taking it every other day for a few weeks at 75 whatever those things are. I hope I can sleep tonight. I may work in the yard, so that might help me doze.

...still searching for a good homemade hummus recipe. I've tried one with tahini and one without; canned chickpeas and bagged; but still nothing matches the mouthgasm that happens when I eat this stuff.

...proud for how I've handled my situation with the Eye Are Ess. For so long I was so afraid and intimidated to contact them even though I knew I was making it worse by putting it off. At some point, a chick's gotta tit up, vag up, grow up and handle her business. Still have a long way to go, but I've got my big girl panties on!

...sorta glad my mom is staying in the rehab facility. She's got COPD, asthma, diabetes, CHF, and arthritis. She had an extreme exacerbation on Mother's Day and my daughter and I called 911. COPD is a behemoth of a disease.  If she didn't have that, she wouldn't have asthma or diabetes or CHF. It's the third most common chronic illness in women; of course cancer and heart disease have it beat. Right now the doctors have her breathing in check, without steroids, but her legs are super swollen; more than usual. Hopefully they will figure it out and she'll be home soon. Mom has been stage 4 for quite some time now.

...going to be distracted until that freaking ipad gets here. GRRR. I can't even set the delivery for pick up until the third attempt.

beckie

Dear Hobby Lobby,

How are you? I am fine. I'm writing to say to you how much I hate you. I cringe when I pass by you. I wretch at the thought of having to go into your store. For a hobby store, your decor is insanely dull. Your wares are mediocre. Even your inventory is unreliable. You are grotesquely enormous; yet when I have no choice but to shop in your hellish store, you never have all I need. Why do you suck ass, HL? Why is your name so stupid? I'm not 5 years old, Hobby. Maybe think about a store name for shoppers who no longer fit in the front seat of a shopping cart.

Hobby Lobby, you're an asshole. You are an anus of craftware. The poor people who are stuck working for you know nothing useful related to crafts. I have yet to encounter a HL sales person who can say something besides, "I don't know." You don't train your staff, you don't give them decent equipment and they can't make any decisions. You set them up to suck as bad as you, and that's wrong. I feel sorry for people who have no choice but to shop in your store. Thank capitalism I have better choices.

You're not a lobby, you're a waste of space.

Fail, Hobbly Lobotomy, fail.

UPDATE: I did a search on hobby lobby fail and now I know why HL sucks. Because they're a bunch of right-wing, sanctimonious fundamentalist batshit crazy ignorant morons.

Hobby Lobby Owner Builds Bible Museum

Have a nice day!

What's for dinner?

Testing out my camera...doesn't this look yummy?! Sauteed chicken breast and a crunchy green salad.