Happy belated birthday Prince!

The world is finally catching up to me.

When I was seven, my father drove a Chevy Impala. It was a big wide brown ugly automobile. The seats were black and vinyl and very slippery. All the Velcro in the world couldn't keep a child strapped in safely. Not that safety was a big consideration back then. We had a rather long driveway that required my 6'5" father to loop his right arm around the back of the passenger head rest, twist his torso around almost 90 degrees, in order to avoid backing into the neighbor's house or car. Being the untapped genius I was, I mentally invented a small television set that would show you what was behind you as you drove. But later I decided attaching giant mirrors to the car's exterior would be better. Needless to say, I am not an inventor. But I am an idea rat.

Here are a few links to concepts, sayings and other musings I've previously thought of. It's so nice when someone can express the thing you think when you can't.

• I once told my mother that I am my own god. She didn't like me saying that. But apparently Morgan Freeman gets it too.
• A sociology assignment helped my college sophomore understand how expensive children are. Wonder what the assignment will be for learning that children are assholes? 
• When my kids were younger,  I used to tell them, "you don't have to go to sleep, just go to bed." That's the prequel to Go The F**k To Sleep --dammit, why wasn't I smart enough to write that?
• Lists are awesome! 
• I've always known a certain R&B singer was an asshole. He affirmed it publicly on a morning talk radio show years ago (that I also dislike) when he smugly commented about why he doesn't bother to vote. I did a quick search for it, and found nothing--which just reinforces how much of a douchebag he is. And he should know from douchebags, since he's a vaginologist.

What's behind Dooor Number 7?

Day 7. I'm supposed to be ON today, that is, I am to take one 75 mg of effexor. I'm currently at work and I forgot my pill. I usually take them in the mornings. I have had zero brain zaps since Sunday afternoon (today is Tuesday), but I experienced just a dash of vertigo a few times this AM. Hmm, wonder if I should bother taking the pill at all. Planning to go to the gym this afternoon as well, which can't do anything but help me. Maybe I'll get a chance to ride my bike there.

One more thing...I so love my iPad that I bought another one! I'm giving the one I have to my daughter, now the college sophomore. She impressed me the other night when she asked to borrow the iPad. I assumed she was planning a marathon evening of Dooors (that was my plan). Instead, she downloaded an app that allowed her to take her class notes and convert them into virtual flashcards! Cool points for Ms. Weezy F! I also bought a home desktop suite and a laptop for my Honor Roll son; what happened to this kid? He's going to be jealous we have iPads, but I'll think he'll come to terms with having his very own laptop.

Alright, this one last thing. Dooors makes me think of doors obviously, which reminded me of Idris Elba and his story about the naming of his production company, Green Door. This is a bit NSFW because of the meaning behind the term green door (heehee). But Elba's British so it's not so bad.

Effexor Detox Day 6 Off

Yard work is my new antidepressant. I was out in the yard for about 3 hours yesterday. We've been having some great weather here in bipolar Northeast Ohio. Need a pick-me-up? Get yourself a chainsaw! I hacked down a bunch of shrubs and dead branches. I love knowing I can do this by myself. With the internet and a few borrowed tools, I'll have my yard looking like I want it to. And without spending hardly any money. The previous owner of my house apparently was a plant junkie. He planted all kinds of stuff --stuff I've never even heard of like rose of sharon or bleeding hearts. But he didn't thin or cultivate a thing--just dumped it in the ground and left it alone. So everything is messy and overgrown, but very hearty.  I had the best night of sleep in 6 days.

I've been reading medical forums for tips & tricks for getting off effexor. Here's a list of what I'm trying:

• Drink lots of water. Drink water until you feel like you're going to float away. One person suggested to make certain to drink ice cold water, although she didn't say why the water needed to be so cold. 

• Find something to do when the brain zaps hit. It's easy to lose focus on how bad you feel. It helps to do something that can distract you from the self-pity booby trap.

• Exercise. Walk. Ride a bike. This really helps with the mood swings. I also think it helps to not have such high expectations. I understand better what I'm putting my body through. So I don't feel bad that I'm crying for no reason when I see this.

• Take a supplement. A few folks were using other SSRI's or SNRI's to get off effexor. I didn't quite understand why a person would do that...the whole point for me is to get off a medicine that isn't helping me anyway. I assume there are other factors in play with this one. But considering there were quite a few recommendations to get a two week Prozac prescription to ride out the effexor detox, there must be something to it. My mom was taken off fluoxetine with no side effects at all. I just don't want another med. I guess I'll save this strategy for plan B. Several folks mentioned vitamin supplements and B complex. That's what I'm starting. I can't with fish oil. Yuck. Benadryl and Dramamine were also recommended to combat symptoms of mushy brain and vertigo. I have a mild case of each but the symptoms aren't strong enough to warrant any meds. 

• Dosing down. I'm on 75 mg, every other day. When I can string a few days together with little to no brain zaps, vertigo or sleeplessness, I'll start pilling or wet finger (gross name, but not doesn't involve actual willys). Both methods are the same thing. Since I'm too cheap to re-up my prescription down to 37.5, I'll open my capsules and "wet finger" or remove a few granules to reduce the number of milligrams.

• Write, talk, express yourself. For me, writing helps the best. I can take as much time as I need to figure out what I'm trying to say. I can also focus on how my body is feeling and identify what is causing it to feel a certain way.  Also knowing there are others who have similar experiences does help. I'm not the only one going through this, and there is help out there if I need it. Effexor detox is not something you want to keep to yourself. 

COPD & Effexor Are Assholes.

I am not a medical professional. I am only sharing my personal experience. Now that I have that out of the way, Effexor sucks! It's the worst medicine in the world! I would never recommend the drug to anyone. It should be off the market. Every professional I've seen has said how easy it is to get off this stuff. This blows. I have brain zaps--it literally feels like a mild electrical zap in my head. I can be in the middle of doing something, and completely blank out on what I was doing or saying. I cannot concentrate for long periods of time. What does help is physical labor and exercise. I spent most of the day working in the yard. I really enjoy yard work. But twice I forgot what I was trying to accomplish. Most people who aren't on medication might think that isn't a big deal, but I know the cause of my forgetfullness and it's name is venlafaxine. And he's an asshole.

 Going to see Mom tomorrow. She's in rehab; she was hospitalized on Mother's Day. We expect she'll be in for at least another week. I hope to buy her a new bed before she comes home. The COPD is in check but the exacerbation has aggravated the chronic heart failure. That's why her ankles are swollen. The doctor has upped her Lasix and that seems to help. She has gotten so used to being unhealthy that she doesn't know when she's in distress. You would think the rehab facility would provide some sort of wellness education but they don't. She says it seems like a medicare scam. The doctor on staff is going on vacation and there is no backup. When it's time for her to be discharged, she will not have been seen by a doctor. The upside of her stay is she gets showered daily and she loves the food. At home she can't lift her legs over the tub to get in the shower, even with a seat there. Since she lives in an apartment, we can't modify the tub. Assisted living is too expensive. Things are not going to get better; she's in a chronic state and the COPD is stage 4. I really don't know what the next move should be. COPD? Cee you next Tuesday.

Happy Blogoversary!

Blogger says I've been signed up since June 2004. That means this month is my anniversary--8 years of having a blog. I suppose most bloggers would think that's nothing to celebrate since my readership is virtually non-existent. But I'm ok with that. My blog is about trying to figure things out, figuring myself out and my relationship to my environment. I didn't start my blog with the intent of attracting alot of views, making money or influencing others. What I really like about my blog, is that I get to determine its existence.  I don't need approval or permission. This is an ad-free zone.

I think about how I want to develop this blog and my writing. I debate the merits of having a niche versus its current cornucopia-esque theme. Should I link to other blogs that are similar to mine or should I link to a sample of blogs I read? Perhaps I should pay more attention to traffic and put more of a concerted effort into attracting readers. Meh. I think the best thing I can do for my lil bloggy blog is what I'm doing now. Write. Write. Write.

I've seen alot of folks who have more than one blog. Penelope Trunk says you should only have one. I like her alot. I like her because she says the craziest shit and thinks it's normal. My kind of gal. I really don't think she does it for the shock value--she's real consistent in her crazy talk which tells me she's not crazy. I like non-crazy people who say crazy things. Why? Because deep down I think most people are crazy. But they're too afraid or too ignorant to address it. So they hunker down and follow directions just for the sake of keeping order. So when the sheep start falling off the cliff, everyone is right in line. Insert digression here.


Back to one blog versus multiple. Here's my reality. My life's a mashup, a colossal clusterfuck of seemingly unrelated people, issues, circumstances and events. If I were to compartmentalize my blog, then it's only part of the story. I want my writing to reveal breadth as well as depth. I think multiple blogs works best when there may be more than one person behind the blog, or there is a tangible product or service. For now, I'll continue to keep it simple and just focus on one. And write. WRITE.


Thoughts? What's your blog rationale?

Quitting Effexor: Day 3 Off

It must have taken an hour for me to wake up today. One of the side effects of quitting Effexor is vivid and bizarre dreaming. This morning I felt like I was coming off of some kind of hallucinogenic. In my dream, I couldn't tell if I was asleep or awake. I kept cycling through various strange scenes of thinking I was awake and watching a cat in my room (I despise cats); I was awake and at my childhood home taking a shower in the den (it's a real den and there is no shower); I was awake and my daughter was trying to calm me as she thought I was having a nightmare (I was but she wasn't with me); I was awake and
getting ready for work (I was still sleeping). In between this restless sleeping, I would wake up enough to reset the snooze button, but I could not stay awake for long. I felt drugged. If Inception had four layers, my dream had twice as many. I usually have strange dreams anyway, but I don't wake up disoriented and exhausted from them. I hate Effexor.