So, I’ve spent the last few years of my life trying to re-create a sense of family or community for myself. It has
not worked out as well as I would like. Since the divorce, I have felt untethered, sort of haphazard toward those around me. I feel awkward. And not in a geeky, hipster (if those two words together make any sense), but in a misanthropic, apathetic way.
I have also been thinking about my death and what that will mean to those I leave behind. Let me be clear, I’m happy being alive. I would like to continue being alive for a long time. That said, at some time we are all going to die. And don’t want my life to be misrepresented by inaccurate, incomplete, stunted relationships. In other words, those who are left around me (if there are any), will have known me well enough to represent for me who I was. I worry that I share so little of myself with so few people, that when that event comes to pass, “I” won’t be there. The soror will be there, the ex-whatever will be there, the christian will be there, but none of those people are me.
So now, the question is, who will be there? And how can I make sure she shows up?
I know the daughter will be there. I am the daughter of the most amazing woman in the world. I am the granddaughter of the best grandfather a girl could have. I wished I would have recognized that sooner. And while I no longer have a relationship with my father, I did love him and I did what I could to help him love himself. I'm a good friend to those I care about. If you do me wrong, you're done. No do-overs, no mulligans. Toast. Which will probably means you won't be at my funeral anyway. And oh yeah, I rock hard as a mother.
So when one is confronted with this type of identify crisis, it is commonplace to wonder what all this means on Facebook.
When I broke up with FB over a year ago, one of my reasons was that too many people I had little to no interaction with in any other way were my “friends”. I found this creepy and yet I would concern myself with their status updates like any other FB stalker. I mean, that IS what it’s for, right? When I decided to open another account, initially I was only using it for entertainment, news and shopping. Many businesses and organizations offer discounts, recipes, knitting patterns, etc via FB. But eventually I realized there really isn’t a more convenient way to share photos and stay updated with my “real-life” friends and family. So I added a handful of people I care about. But I still worried about FB bloat. I’d already made my page as private as I could; I even blocked certain friends from seeing some of the features. I’ve since even learned to remove annoying updates (which include but are not limited to messages directed toward Jesus and no one on FB or whatever you ate for lunch ) from my newsfeed. But my biggest worry is that someone who thinks they knew me from a previous life could FB find me. I don’t want to have to deny a friend request because I don’t want you all up in my feed. You don't know what you're getting into.
Most of my acquaintances don’t know my name is
Beckie.They wouldn't necessarily recognize that as what I'm called. But my last name is fairly unique; so I felt I needed a quick-fast remedy.
I brainstormed a list of possible FB last names. Here we go:
Beckie Dontburnnochic
Beckie Roxursox
Beckie Dontcry
Beckie Rockstar
Beckie Risenshine
Beckie Breakitdown
Beckie Fangbanger
Beckie Allupinit
Beckie Weighsaton
Beckie O’Grindn
Beckie Sontheball
Beckie House
Beckie Beckie Beckie
Beckie Saysso
Beckie T5BP
Beckie Sonherown
Beckie Datswhussup
Beckie Onaroll
Beckie Boogiesdown
Beckie Runswbigdawgs
Beckie Knowsthedeal
Beckie Dontbuyit
Beckie Savestheworld
Beckie Isonfb
Beckie Isthesause
Beckie Onblast
Beckie Blowurmind
Beckie Tinks
Beckie Bustacap
Beckie Supahot
Beckie Balln
Beckie Makeitwork
Beckie O. Beckie
Beckie Isonfire
Beckie Twopointo
Beckie Weckie
I'm going to start with the first one.
Did I mention Dean drives a '67 Impala? Beckie loves the muscle cars. 
Did I mention Dean drives a '67 Impala? Beckie loves the muscle cars. 
